Regrets

 

Another family event.  Another weekend of proving to the family that I'm alright.  I am, I guess.  I'm passing my classes, proving that I belong in the program even though I'm younger than most.  I work my butt off but so does everyone else.  I've found ways to volunteer and give back to the community.  During the summer, I get to go to another country and help make people's lives better.  Dreams I've had forever.  Yet here I sit.  Watching my nephews' baptism.  Keeping my nieces happy while their parents are up in the front of the church.  Looking at my biggest regret. 

 

Some people would say if you only have one big regret you should be happy.  And I am.  Happy.  But a number of years ago, she made a decision to not continue dating me.  I didn't even realize it right away, but she was never available when I asked her out when I came home.  The reasons were logical but EVERYTIME?  She still talked to me but everything had changed. 

 

I never asked her why.  I know our last date had ended badly, but it wasn't our fault.  I never asked her what had changed.  Now I see her at these events.  Without me.  But it wasn't the first time I  regretted it, and it wouldn't be the last.